now for something very silly

[puppy_lancer]

The Darwin Award Meme

How this meme works

1. Reply to this post with your character's name in the subject line
2. List all the ways they've died in the game. Canon deaths count!
3. Other characters react to the death they find most stupid.
4. ???
5. Profit!

Comments

Mayu

[axeforasong]

1. Managed to die on Night 2 just for being really suspicious before the game even started. Beheaded.
2. With a small mountain of evidence against her, she got nearly everyone else to abstain or vote Critter. And thus died by Mondo. Beheaded again.

Zelda | Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

[sageprincess]

1. Turned into a crystal statue by CAPTAIN CINNAMON CLAWS who then proceeded to use her to beat FemLink to death until the crystal shattered.
2. Used as a human shield by Ganondorf, shot with a stray light arrow.
3. Killed by Jason during the first infiltration to the admin levels.
4. Killed by a Sailor Galaxia-costumed Majora.
5. Stabbed by a brainwashed, loyal-to-the-admins Guy.
6. Drained of her energy and collar fluid by psychelysis phantoms.

Legolas | Lord of the Rings

[bow_of_the_galadhrim]

1. Killed by Ganon. (Who thought Legolas had insulted him in Elvish.)
2. Lost the will to live. (Just after returning from Infighting.)
3. Died in his sleep in the Little Finger game.
4. Mercy kill by Gandalf and Haldir directly after Something Unexpected.
5. Monster killed him in June.

[sageprincess]

[STILL THINKS DYING OF A BROKEN HEART IS DUMB ON AN EVOLUTIONARY LEVEL but will remain politely quiet.]

Grumpybutt

[bloodyashes]

1. Zapped to death by brainwashed Sheba
2. Sound-slaughtered by OU Luke, also during Rebellion
3. Hung by elevator cable during massive infiltration

And CANON BONUS: This. It's a bonus because it hasn't actually occurred at his canon point :3

[AU3] Lancer/Cu Chulainn

[puppy_lancer]

Canon:

1. Wounded in battle with his own spear, tied himself to a rock to die standing up.

Tower

1. Crushed by Halloween costume. Regenerated as a dog-creature.
2. Died on circus floor beside Diarmuid. Gored by a circus boar.
3. Cursed by Ganon, died eaten by monsters.
4. Died playing Little Finger.
5. Double kill with Diarmuid, believing each other was their best fried from the past.
6. Killed by the dragon in Ganon's Dark World.
7. Ran into Saber Alter while Alter was pissed. Got chopped by Vortigern because he couldn't activate Gae Bolg fast enough.
8. Turned into a dog-like drone prone to malfunctioning and tearing out people's bones. Mercy killed by Lancelot after attacking Diarmuid.
9. Mercy killed by AU Kariya after attacking said magus.
10. Mercy killed by ProtoArcher after attacking said Servant.
11. Instigated one of Ruana's games during the infiltration. Like the rest of Team Science, he received the same wounds as the children from Ruana's memories and died from them.

Guamzee Maraca

[hystericull]

Canon:
Hasn't died once in any timeline because you can't keep down the fucking clown motherfuckers.

Tower:
1. Skewered on the end of Her Imperious Condescension's trident in the Labyrinth.
2. Killed by shadow!Gamzee in the shadow event.
3. Killed at the end of the Infighting event.
4. Had soul sucked out by Jason through the soul-sucking machine in the bowels of the Tower.
5. Knocked unconscious, thrown in a spiderweb, and eaten by the giant Spidermom.
6. Mercy kill from jade!Eridan.
7. Mercy kill from jade!Eridan.
8. Took a giant leap on to jade!Eridan's shotgun pile like it was a pile of leaves and blew his and Eridan's head off simultaneously.

Re: Guamzee Maraca

[puppy_lancer]

...The fuck was that last one?

Patrick Dawn

[bashfulshifter]

1. Thought it would be a good idea to politely decline participating in one of Ruana's games during the recent Infiltration. Was consequently excused and pulled under a door.

2. While possessed by a monster, death by Enoch.

[AU5] Saber | Fate/Stay Night

[no_longer_a_king]

1. Mistaking Alter for Morganna and getting stabbed on day one as a result
2. Drowning in her sleep after the bathtub game while Iri was supposed to be watching over her because she didn't realize she'd get her in her sleep.
3. Being a sacrifice on floor whatchamacallit and being mercykilled by Cecil before it could happen.
4. Arturia trying a bunch of different plants to figure out what's edible during the food shortage during a Jason month and finally finding something poisonous.
5. Mercy killed by Alter while brainwashed.
6. Mercy killed by Veigar while brainwashed.
7. Sacrificing herself to pay back Gilgamesh for helping her out during the hacking punishment.
8. Being in the elevator when it was bombed.
9. SHADOW CHILDREN! \o\

[AU1] Rei

[terreifying]

1. Crushed by Halloween costume, regenerated as a cat thing that could only meow.
2. Caught in a trap along with Rose Egbert
3. Mutated into a monster thanks to being contaminated with nuclear energy (gee thanks Doc!) and rampaged around eating people. Mercy killed by Jade!Eridan.
4. Died playing the Bath Game.
5. Died in a field of poppies alongside Minato.
6. Killed by monsters due to climbing the tower during the hacking plot
7. Drained of energy by Psychelysis Phantoms

[gradosfinest]

1. Killed in combat with monsters while trying to protect a couple of people during Hacking Punishment.
2. Lungs violently removed following dinner at the restaurant with Sheba. (It was good food though!)

[AU7] Sola-ui

[unhandme]

1. Beaten to death by drones (gee thanks Kyosuke!)
2. Killed by monsters during the time freeze because she DIDN'T KNOW THEY COULD MOVE.
3. Died by psychelysis phantom

[attheclocktower]

1. Not collecting enough candy in time for the Halloween event and being consequently crushed by her costume (She believed she got enough candy, but some of the candy she got from Romeo was in fact false candy planted by Ganondorf, she realized this too late to fix the situation and gave the rest of her candy to Shion)
2. Burned to death by a brainwashed Axel when he malfunctioned during the Rebellion event
3. At Guy Cecil's hands during a malfunction during the Rebellion event
4. Died in an explosion during a fight with some of the monsters (America and England) during the barricade log in the Idealism event
5. From late-stage tuberculosis, contracted when she was struck by a Revanent during her punishment for participation in the Hacking player plot
6. From a botched attempt to escape floor 52 with Sheba
7. From vivisection administered by Jason himself, as a punishment for infiltrating the administrative levels

Canon bonus: (though it hasn't actually happened yet)
1. Attacking her best friend and forcing him to kill her in order to stop herself from basically absorbing him.

[bloodyashes]

Canon bonus self-sacrifice squad

[OU] Shinji Matou (Extra)

[looselips]

Canon

• Killed during his Holy Grail War; he thought it was just a video game, given that it takes place in a virtual world where he comes from

Animus

• Drowned by the mermaids on the 90th floor while looking for his Servant
  
• Received a (fruitless) mercy killing from Lancelot during the April experiment
  
• Killed by child Sephiroth during the rumor event, thanks to the "your friends all hate you" rumor becoming true
  
• Died of a monster attack during Riki's hacking punishment

Re: [OU] Shinji Matou (Extra)

[puppy_lancer]

...Four times, kid?

[OU] Nue Houjuu

[undefines]

• Killed by child Sephiroth while pretending to be a monster with her Seeds of Unknown Form
  
• Killed by adult Sephiroth while pretending to be a monster with her Seeds of Unknown Form, except that time she actively attacked him because she was angry about the child one killing her
  
• Had her energy completely drained by shadow children because she actively withdrew from other people in response to them

[axeforasong]

Good...

G-Good job, Nue...

[AU1] Enoch

[warriorscribe]

1: Was in the pod rescue portion of the break-in during Infighting. Despite Ruana's orders, Dax let anyone who ran get away. Enoch did not run.

2: Paralyzed by a Gnarl and left mostly skinned on an outside ledge until some other monster wandered along.

3: Cornered by a Hellhound.

4: Deliberately fed a Phantom his energy hoping he might learn something about them.

5: Parasite Bee stinger to the heart during costume games.

6: Screaming Monster that bribed the dice

7: Crying Monster

8: Forgot about his job in the midst of monster games. Buried alive.

(undefined): Infiltration???

(undefined): May be killed by a Succubus???

9(10? 11?): Drained by psychelysis phantoms

Re: [AU1] Enoch

[puppy_lancer]

...You deliberately fed your energy to a monster.

[WHY?]

[AU9] Claudia Hortensia

[sicharia]

• Experimented on to death by a "malfunctioning" child Sephiroth during the April experiment
  
• Bled out after having her leg mangled by a growling monster and body exposed to toxic chemicals from the 70th floor during the June game
  
• Had her energy drained by shadow children

[OU] Sheba

[seekinganswers]

1. Killed by Felix during the Valentine's tape player fiasco
2. Had her chest bashed in by retrieval units with hammers during Something Unexpected
3. Eaten by monsters after trying to help England when the staircase disappeared on floor 30
4. Mindsnooped Jin, got caught by a pissed-off Moros, subsequently died when Jin blew them both up with a grenade
5. Stabbed by Amelia during Rebellion
6. Thrown into one of the jail cells by Dark Pit during Rebellion; subsequently died of dehydration/starvation
7. Killed by the Growling Monster
8. Killed in the daytime for being a monster
9. Ate at the restaurant, didn't bring back the required payment in time, had a vital part of her brain taken as payment instead
10. Got stuck on floor 52, died after a botched attempt at pressing the buttons to make it to the stairs
11. Eaten by the carnivorous nighttime plants in the hedge maze while rescuing a new arrival
12. Lingered too late on the pyramid floor after a disturbing talk with Rick and got cornered by monsters on her way back to the dorms
13. Energy drained by the psychelysis phantoms during Individuation

...icon keywords are totally relevant

[OU] Anise Tatlin

[forhislegacy]

1. Killed by Ion-as-a-monster during Idealism

...but other than that she's been pretty good about not dying (unless I forgot something)

[OU] Dio

[duplicitousringleader]

1. Energy drained by psychelysis phantoms during Individuation because fuck no there are no bonds he has in the Tower that are stronger than his bond to Brother and the rest of his cult

Lina Inverse | Slayers

[halfpintsorceress]

1. Would have died for about five minutes after her pull point but gotten better.
2. Died in an undisclosed fashion during the labyrinth event.

...I think that's it.

[OU] Diarmuid Ua Duibhine (Lancer)

[oathshackledbird]

1. Died on the Circus Floor after being gored by a mutated boar. He might have survived the wound, but he gave up after thinking he got his hero killed and getting caught up in memories of his first death.
2. Died during the "Mists of Insanity" event next to Cu Chulainn after they fatally wounded each other thinking they were actually their best friend from their first lives.
3. Seriously mauled by a modified Cu Chulainn and then was cut open with one of his own swords by a modified Ryoji (who had just used said sword to kill Waver right in front of him).
4. Strangled and decapitated by a modified Mami who then carried his body down to be processed...

Canon Bonus (Spoiler Warning!):

• First Death: His lord allowed him to bleed out after he was gored by a wild boar because said Lord was a jealous twat who never actually forgave Diarmuid though he swore he did. (Diarmuid fully believed he had forgiven him.)
• Second Death (As a Servant): Forced via his master's command spell to kill himself in the middle of an honorable duel.

His deaths don't tend to be so much stupid as they are tragic... X.x

[puppy_lancer]

[A big hug from one unfortunate Lancer to another]

[OU] Fon Master Ion | Tales of the Abyss

[fonlines]

Deaths:

.........

uh.



...You don't tend to die much when you don't get out much.

Canon Bonus:

1. Well, he should be dying within two months' time due to illness. But. Well.

Veronica / Franken Fran

[stitchedupbodyguard]

Canon:

1. Took apart by her sister Fran and left like that for a month.
2. Torn to shreds and eaten by her other sister Gavril.

In Game:

None yet! But sure to start eventually.

[OU] Raven

[unkindnessof]

1. Killed for being the Apathetic Monster and deciding yeah, really do want to take Ganondorf down with it (at night, so it didn't stick.)
   
2. Killed again for being the Apathetic Monster (fire hurts man and nope still didn't stick.)
   
3. Assumed some mysterious death involving mysterious kids in some mysterious break-in. Maybe.
   It is a mystery.
   
4. Hahahahahaha psychelysis phantoms. No bonds he has in the tower overcome his ridiculous canon attachments, whoops...

Avenger | Fate/ [OU]

[destructiveprinciples]

Canon (bonus/spoilers):
1. Captured by his village, tortured and forced into an endless cycle of being beaten, having all of his limbs cut off, covered in filth, and etc etc and hated/blamed by everybody he knew and loved, branded by his curses before being left on the summit of a nearby mountain to slowly die while being granted a full view of his tormentors.
2. Killed on the fourth day of the Third War, his Master similarly being defeated and/or killed.
3. Spine (and/or strangled) snapped by Emiya Kiritsugu at the end of the Fourth War upon Kiritsugu's rejection of the Holy Grail.
4. Killed multiple times in various ways during the time loops. (Examples: sword through eye into brain, fatal chest wound from hip to shoulder, killed by Caren's daggers, ripped apart, throat ripped open, Berserker, etc)
5. Personality creases to exist, and he returns to the 'void' after convincing Bazett to give up her wish and return to reality instead of dying with him.

Animus:
1. Ran through by Archer during a fight/shouting match he deliberately went along while pretending to be Shirou.